Ramadan is a pretty demanding time even without having a young child.
It’s a month of family gatherings and long mornings. If you’re a working Mom, you barely get home in time to prepare a feast for iftar. If you have an older child, they have studying to do after iftar, not to mention sports practice and prayers, where you get home just in time for a nap before it’s sohour time.
No rest for the Mommies.
So when your mother-in-law invites you to iftar, or your friend takes you out to the mall, it feels almost like a trip to Willy Wonka’s factory.
Good food, adult company, no cooking, no dirty dishes. What could possibly go wrong?
It seems logical to expect that your little kid would understand why s/he can’t have your undivided attention every moment of the day.
Surely they see how Mommy deserves a break.
They don’t though. And they do not like this change at all.
Suddenly, you’re the woman with the screaming child who wants a cousin’s toy.
You’re that lady everyone is watching and silently judging at the mall or the mosque with the little one who just won’t stop crying.
So how do you deal with a toddler’s tantrum?
First, take a deep breath. Calm down.
Your baby isn’t doing this on purpose. This is their way to express how they’re feeling.
Second, take your child somewhere you won’t be in people’s way and just let them cry it out. Listen, be there for him or her, but do not, under any circumstances, give your baby what they want.
If a toddler wants some Pepsi because her aunt just gave her cousin some Pepsi, and she starts crying and screaming and lying on the floor to get it, giving her the Pepsi would be like admitting that a tantrum is the way for her to get what she wants.
Oddly enough, research has shown that the best way to deal with a tantrum is usually doing nothing at all!
Third, and most importantly, don’t ever feel embarrassed. If you look (or pretend to look) like you’re in control, people will pick up on that and think you must know what you’re doing. If however you act nervous or stressed, your own child will pick up on that and things will only get worse.
Is there a way to avoid a tantrum before it strikes?
Sometimes, definitely.
Children throw tantrums for many reasons.
They may be hungry. They may be tired. Bored. Sick. They may have had too much candy or feel overwhelmed by crowded places and noise.
Tune in to your child’s emotions. Try to read what they can’t express in their own words. If they’re hungry, it’s snack time. If they’re bored, keep a bunch of toys in your purse to bring out whenever you see a tantrum on the horizon.
Set detailed, realistic expectations. If you’re going to your parents’ for iftar, explain you’re going to grandma and grandpa’s and who else will be there. Explain that they can play with their cousins but then they’ll have to leave behind the toys. Be concise but very clear. Repeat the same process every time you leave the house.
It’s a bit tedious, but so much better than a tantrum.
Promise your child something he or she likes if they behave well all night, like ice cream or reading their favorite book. Be careful to deliver on that promise, only if they truly behave themselves.
Remember that you run the day. Your friend, mother or niece will want to help, but their attention can actually feel like a reward for your baby’s tantrum. Thank them nicely and state that you’ve got this. Maybe throw in a joke.
There’s no need to yell. Keep your voice calm and measured. If your child is old enough to reason with, ask them how they’re feeling and explain why they can’t have whatever they want. If they’re younger than three years old, there’s probably no point trying to explain. Avoid questions in these situations. There’s no point asking your child, “why are you doing this?”
If they knew, they wouldn’t be throwing a tantrum.
Ramadan Kareem, ladies.